A duck walks into a pharmacy, and asks for Chapstick. The cashier says, "Cash or check?" and the duck says, "Just put it on my bill."

What kind of weather excites a pet duck? Fowl weather.

What does a Duck like to eat with soup? Quackers

What do you call a create of Ducks? A box of quackers.

Why do ducks fly south for the winter? Because it's too far to walk.

Which side of the Duck has the most feathers? The outside!

A motorist in a Mercedes was driving through the countryside on a beautiful Saturday afternoon, having a lovely time, when he came to an area of the road that was covered with a rather large puddle of water from a previous rain storm. Worried that he was going to damage the car and its engine in the deep water, he asked a local farmer (who just happened to be standing near the large pool of water) how deep the water was. "Arr", said the local farmer "That water only be a few inches deep!" Relieved, the motorist edged his car into the water, expecting to come out the other side in no time. Instead, as he drove in, the water came right up the side of the car, and the engine sputtered to a halt. Sitting there with the water along with and a floating weed lapping at the window, the motorist yelled at the local angrily: "I thought you said this water was only a few inches deep!!!" "Well", replied the local farmer "It only come up to the waist of them there ducks!"